It’s gone! Eeek!

Well, after much delay, I’ve mailed my next assignment off. This one took a lot out of me — not because it was particularly difficult, but rather due to my frame of mind completing it.

I’ve had many things going on over the past month or so. The holiday season isn’t the easiest time to focus, regardless of whether you have two outlines, a publication analysis, and a 1500 word article targeted to that particular magazine or not. I had overseas guests, (which was wonderful), and a bout with doubt.
(Heh heh. Bout with doubt. That rhymes… ;))

Seriously though, the doubt thing. Ouch. Doubt, depression, more doubt thanks to the depression, time wasted, depressed that I wasted so much time, scary assignment because it’s a feature, doubt, doubt over whether my subjects were strong enough, more doubt and depression and time wasting away with a whooshing noise past my ears.

You get the picture.

Well, I shed some tears, vented and confided, and read a couple of books on writing. One was more of a general book on the craft while the other (others really, though I don’t fully count the ones I skim, use for reference, or haven’t finished yet), was more practical in it’s advice regarding the structure and techniques used for magazine articles.

I finished my assignments with a slow-building confidence and have slapped a couple of stamps on the fruits of my labour. It’s off to my tutor. (And I’m terrified still…)

Switching focus now, I realised after reading one of the books, that I won’t really be able to post my ‘finished’ articles here for the world to enjoy. That could jeopardise my chances of selling them and complicate rights issues. I may put them up in password protected entries or offer snippets, but I can’t actually post the whole thing and feel right about it yet. I’ve got to figure that bit out…

Anyway, the next article awaits me as the school was kind enough to send out my third assignment brief along with the second. (No pressure… 😉 ) I’m taking the rest of the evening off to catch up on some code work I need to do, but at least I feel like I can breathe again.

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~ by Jen on Wednesday, 1 February 2006 - 4:56pm.

5 Responses to “It’s gone! Eeek!”

  1. I had a blog for a while, but I was constantly not putting up what I thought was really creative, because I thought some one would “appropriate it.” Let’s face it, practically every book written on writing, says you have to imitate to some degree. I think you might agree that the difference between a 7-figure screenwriter and oblivion, might be your having spoken too loudly in a coffee shop about a novel idea.

    But on the bright side, not putting up your best is really an expression of your high self esteem and not your low self esteem in regard to writing.

    Of course, every writer, to fit the part, has to be self-flagellating.

    *spanks Jen*

    *Jen whinney’s like horse*

  2. *Jen asks for more*
    *John Logs out*
    *John moves to Canada and pays off Mountys*

  3. Putting creative endeavours up isn’t an issue for me, it’s the formula-based articles that I’m trying to sell that I’m hesitant to post. If I were to ‘publish’ the articles online, then I have taken myself out of the running for “first serial rights” sales. That’s the best kind of article to sell… and often the least creative.

    Creative stuff will still go up, that’s easier for me to post and not worry about selling. I worry much less about someone stealing my idea and more about stunting a saleable article’s future earnings potential by self-publishing it first.

    It’s purely about a paycheck and not about esteem or not putting up my best and most guarded work. Hell, I think every writer thinks what he/she produces has a certain rubbishy smell to it, even if only in a few places, so I’d never truly think my work is too precious. I just don’t want to sabotage myself before I have a chance to sell…

    And, how do you know I whinney? 😉

  4. The formula-based creative stuff……

    How do I know you’re a whinnier? It comes manely from experience.

  5. It’s amazing how long I had to dig through these WordPress blogs to encounter a joke that bad. Maybe there’s hope for civilization yet?

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